Only You
by Waffle Avenger
Summary: Oh, lookie, it's a songfic! No, it's a double songfic! No... it's a double slash songfic! Two things are going on at once as Snape pursues James and Remus and Sirius are alone in the infirmary. RLSB, SSJP... sorta. You'll see. Song: "Only You" by Yaz.


**Disclaimer: **Remus, Severus, Sirius, James, Peter, Tom, and Lily aren't mine. They belong to J.K. Rowling. They song "Only You" is not mine. It belongs to Yaz.****

* * *

**Only You**

_Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love_

Remus sighed and looked out the window. His friends were out on the lawn by the lake, playing and looking supremely happy, and he was stuck here in the infirmary. He sighed again and turned away from the window. He pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his elbows on his knees. They were doing more tests. He hated the tests, which almost always involved horrible-tasting potions and blood samples, and never seemed to facilitate any breakthroughs in stopping his monthly transformations, or even making them more bearable. Remus rested his chin on his right knee. This was useless. The whole thing was useless, but he was still stuck here while James and Peter and Sirius enjoyed the beautiful spring day.

_Can you hear me_

The door clicked open softly, and Sirius poked his head in. Remus's curtains were open, and he was awake, looking rather dejected. His sharp ears picked up the soft sound, and he looked up. His eyes lit up.

"Sirius! Hi!"

"Hey, Remus." Sirius plopped himself down on the bed. "I thought I'd come in and see how you were holding up."

"Quite bored, thanks."

Sirius smiled. "Don't worry, Moony, you'll be out of here in no time."

Remus threw himself back into the pillow. "Yeah. Meanwhile all you guys are out having fun without me."

Sirius hit Remus's leg lightly. "Hey, now. Is that the way you treat someone who left his friends and their fun to come and see you?"

Remus smiled. "Sorry."

Severus looked sourly over at the teenagers playing catch a few meters away. More specifically, he looked sourly at the tall, messy-haired boy with deep blue eyes leaping up into the air to catch the ball.

He hated James. Not because he was mean to Severus—plenty of people were mean to Severus. He didn't care. No, he hated James because he didn't notice. He didn't notice the way Severus looked at him, didn't noticed the way Severus couldn't think of anything to say in his presence, didn't notice the way he smiled despite himself when James sent a hex his way. No, James didn't notice at all. James was too busy noticing Lily Evans, the stupid, redheaded, Mudblood Gryffindor prefect. To James, Severus was just an easy target. Nothing more. James was an unfeeling, insensitive bastard.

_Came back only yesterday_

_I'm moving further away_

_Want you near me_

Severus ground his heel into the grass. He hated himself, too, for feeling these things about a member of the same sex. His parents would disown him. As if his home life wasn't bad enough. But Severus had realized long ago that he couldn't change how he felt… no matter how he tried. He'd thrown himself into potions research, trying to find a cure for infatuation. Although he became quite well-versed in potions knowledge, he was unable to find what he sought.

Remus sat up again, resting his hand on Sirius's arm. Even though James was the one you could tell everything to, Sirius seemed to be easier to make physical contact with. It just came naturally. "So, you dragged yourself away from James to come up and see me."

Sirius grinned. "I figured you'd be getting pretty bored in here. And I was right, wasn't I?"

"Yes." Remus put on a woe-is-me look. "Yes, you were."

Sirius let out a short bark of laughter. He put his arm around Remus's shoulders. "Poor Moony. Forced to endure... what is it they make you endure, anyway?"

"Bloodletting, mostly. You know, leeches and all that."

Sirus shuddered. Leeches scared him to death. "You're not serious, are you..?"

Remus gave Sirius a sympathetic look. "No, I'm not."

Sirius tightened his arm around Remus's shoulders. "Good. I'd hate for you to have to go through that. Leeches freak me out."

Remus smiled and rested his head on Sirius's shoulder. "Thanks, Sirius. They do take blood sometimes, though."

"Yeuch."

"Yeah. It's not as bad when they do it as when I'm sitting here waiting for it, though."

Sirius nodded empathetically.

"But now I have you to keep me company!" Remus ruffled Sirius's hair.

"Hey, hey, I'm not going to keep you company if you mess up my hair!"

Remus grinned and put his hand to his mouth. He knew Sirius was only kidding, but he also knew how perfect Sirius's hair usually was.

Sirius rand a hand through his hair quickly. "Do I look all right?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Just fine."

"Okay." Sirius still looked slightly skeptical, but he let it go.

_All I needed was the love you gave_

_All I needed for another day_

James broke off from the group, rushing to talk to the Evans girl. He was brushed off. Severus laughed under his breath. At least James couldn't have what he wanted, either. James didn't go back to play with Peter, though; he went off and stood near the wall of the castle. This was odd behaviour.

Severus stood up decisively, overcome by an urge to go straight up to James and tell him off.

_And all I ever knew_

_Only you_

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a little voice was telling Severus that this was a bad idea. James would just laugh in his face. Probably would tell the whole school, too. Then his life would be over. But Severus didn't care. He kept walking, quickly crossing the distance between the tree he'd been sitting under and the school castle where James stood. His face was contorted in anger and... something else, some emotion Severus couldn't place. It wasn't love, he knew that, nor lust… it just… was. And it was this emotion burning brightly inside him that carried him forward, ever closer to the fifth-year boy who took up so many of Severus's dreams.

_Sometimes when I think of her name when it's only a game_

_And I need you_

Severus reached his goal, grabbing James's shoulder and whirling him around. James looked at Severus with wide eyes, too surprised to say anything.

Severus took no notice. He simply began to talk.

"James Potter, you are the world's largest bastard. You make me sick. You make me insane. I've loved you ever since second year and you don't even notice. You've treated me like shit. But that's not a problem. You treat everyone who's not your friend like that. But you don't even try to understand me; you don't even look at me. You just think I'm some scrawny Slytherin fourth-year who's an easy target for your pranks. I'm more than that. I'm a living being who has a heart and a mind, and dreams, damn it! I'm human! You don't even see me as that, I can tell by the way you look at me. But I am! Just because I'm a Slytherin, I'm not good enough to be in your stupid group. That prissy Peter Pettigrew is just like me, he's a little brown-nose and worships you like a god, and you like that, don't you?! But not me! You tolerate him, even _like_ him, let him take part in your little adventures, because he's in Ravenclaw. You bastard. Is what house someone's in that important? Is that your only basis for who you befriend? You are a selfish, egotistical, cold-hearted snake, and you belong in Slytherin as much as I do. There you are." Severus stood there, red-faced and seething. He didn't expect a response, but he was rooted to the spot.

James blinked. He didn't know what he had expected when Severus Snape had grabbed him by the shoulder, but this was certainly the last thing he'd expect. Looking back, though, what Snape had said about himself was true. James wondered how he hadn't seen it before. He almost felt sorry for the younger boy—almost. He remembered what Snape had called Lily, just the other day. _Mudblood._ The word rang in his ears. He scowled at Snape.

"I don't dislike you just because you're in _Slytherin,_ you idiot," James said softly, his voice like a satin cord wrapping around Severus. "I dislike you because you're a closed-minded, greasy-haired bigot. You think that you're correct and everyone else is wrong. You think that Muggle-born wizards shouldn't be allowed to use their abilities. You think that you deserve to be pitied because your family isn't rich, like the families of the rest of the Slytherins are. Well, you _don't._ You don't deserve my kindness. You haven't done anything to earn it. And you'd better remember that."

_Listen to the words that you say it's getting harder to stay_

_When I see you_

Sirius looked at Remus through his hair, which had fallen down over his right eye.

"Sirius, do you believe in love?"

Sirius blinked. "What kind of question is that? Of course I do. I love you, right? And James... and I guess Peter too, to some extent."

Remus wondered why Sirius's words, "I love you," had made his heart stop. Of course Sirius loved him. He loved Sirius…. Remus shook his head to clear it.

"Or did you mean do I believe in the kind of love where… you love someone with every part of you, like being in love?"

Remus nodded. That was what he'd been thinking. Perhaps that was why he'd reacted the way he had when Sirius had replied. He must have been thinking of it in a different context than Sirius had meant it.

"Well, I suppose so. I've never experienced that sort of feeling, so... It's hard to believe something when you can't feel it. You know?"

Remus nodded again. "Yeah."

Sirius put his arm around Remus again. Even though James was the one he told everything to, there was something about Remus that made it very easy to make physical contact with him.

Remus put his arm around Sirius as well, this time, and wound his fingers into Sirius's hair. Sirius had such soft hair, the kind you just wanted to touch and play with all the time.

"Why did you ask?"

"I don't know why I asked. I just wanted to ask all of a sudden, I guess."

"Hum." Sirius yawned suddenly. He snuggled against Remus.

Remus smiled, amused. He lay back on the bed again, unthinkingly pulling Sirius down with him. Sirius snuggled against the pillow. Remus almost expected him to curl up and start sucking his thumb. Sirius was so unpredictable sometimes. Remus smiled.

Sirius rolled from his side onto his back, stretching out on the bed. He slipped off his shoes and curled his toes, popping them. His hand was behind Remus's neck.

Remus looked over at Sirius. They'd often lain down together like this, looking up at the sky, Sirius talking nonstop… but today, now, Sirius was silent. Remus wondered what he was thinking. The tall boy had his greyish-blue eyes open, his hair brushed back away from them, a faint smile on his lips. Remus sighed and smiled to himself. What had started out as a boring, useless trip to the infirmary, had turned out to be a truly enjoyable experience, thanks to Sirius. Remus rolled onto his side, his face turned toward Sirius. He scooted closer so that his nose touched Sirius's cheek. He felt Sirius smile against his nose, but he didn't turn his head to look at Remus.

Remus did something he'd never done before and kissed Sirius on the cheek. At least, he tried to—Sirius chose that moment to twist his head to the side to look at Remus, who ended up kissing him full on the lips.

Remus's eyes flew open wide, and he pushed himself backward. Sirius's eyes were wide, as well. It was like looking into a strange black-and-white mirror for a moment. Remus turned pink and looked away.

"What was _that?_" Sirius was still staring at Remus, although he was beginning to turn pink himself.

"I—I meant to kiss your cheek, but you moved…" Remus sputtered.

Sirius gulped. "Sorry."

Remus became very interested in his hands. "It—it's okay."

Sirius looked at the wall. He was very pink indeed now. "I… really didn't mean for that to happen, you know…"

Remus looked at him. He was still looking at the wall. "I know."

Sirius looked at Remus. "Good… that's good." He looked away again. If he hadn't meant to do it, why hadn't he pulled away the moment he realized what was happening?

Severus looked up at James, astonished. He hadn't even begun to contemplate that James had ignored him for a real reason. He hadn't realized that of course their ways of thinking, what they'd been taught was right and wrong, were so different. That was the reason Slytherin and Gryffindor were rivals in the first place! Of course, James really did believe all these things he said. Of course. But, Severus also realized, for James he could change. It wouldn't be easy to break through years of training, but Severus was sure he could do it. He may not be particularly smart, or a good athlete, but Severus was strong-willed. He could change everything, even his name. Severus had always liked his name, but oh, well. If it had to go, it would go.

Severus swallowed. "James," he began. "If you want me to change, I will. It wouldn't be hard. I can be a totally different person. I'll wash my hair three times a day if it'll make you happy. I'll love Muggles more than anyone in the wizarding world. However you want it. I'll do it. For you."

James looked startled. Now he really _did_ feel sorry for the younger boy. And he knew that even if Snape did change, James couldn't do what he asked. His heart already belonged to another.

"S--" He cut himself short. He couldn't call the boy by his last name at a time like this. "Severus," he began again. "Even if you do change… even if you try your hardest—I can learn to like you, but I can never love you. I'm sorry."

Severus's world shattered like glass around him, and he was left standing in the whiteness of pure shock. Even after all he had done, it was useless. Of course it was. James was in love with Lily Evans. Severus had known that. He'd seen the way James looked at her. It was the same way he'd looked at James. As the shock receded, mindless anger began to take its place. Severus blinked as the world began to come back into focus, then turned on his heel and ran as fast as he could, angry tears slipping out of his eyes. He didn't know where he was running; only that it was away from James.

_All I needed was the love you gave_

_All I needed for another day_

_And all I ever knew_

Sirius looked up at the ceiling, thoughts flying through his head. His heart felt as if there was a bird in his chest, trying to escape.

Remus turned to look at Sirius, who was staring determinedly up at the ceiling. Even if it hadn't been an intended kiss, it had been a nice kiss, and—did he have feelings for Sirius?

The thought came to Remus as a total shock. The answer was even more of a shock. _Of course you do._ Of course, he did, didn't he? He was so comfortable with Sirius, touching him, holding him, looking at him… when he was with Sirius it felt as if all was right with the world. Sirius made Remus feel like just another ordinary Hogwarts student, not a horribly confused, lonely boy who turned into a wolf every full moon. Sirius was the air Remus breathed. He wondered if Sirius felt the same way. He was certainly reacting strangely to the kiss.

_Only you_

"Sirius."

Sirius's eyes fluttered closed, but he showed no other reaction.

"Sirius," Remus said, more firmly, "look at me."

Sirius looked at him.

"What did you feel when we kissed?"

"Nothing." Sirius answered too quickly.

"Sirius…" Remus's tone was admonishing.

_This is going to take a long time and I wonder what's mine_

_Can't take no more_

"Alright, something." Sirius looked away. "But I don't know what it meant."

Remus brought his hand up to the side of Sirius's face, slowly and gently. He let Sirius get used to the soft touch on his cheek, then moved so that his face was close to Sirius's and directly in front of it. Sirius wasn't looking at him, his eyes lowered. But he didn't move away.

Remus closed the distance between them, kissing Sirius on the mouth.

Sirius's hand went up unconsciously to the back of Remus's head. He let it rest there, not pulling Remus closer but not letting him go.

Remus's hand slipped around to stroke Sirius's hair. His lips, like his hair, were very soft. Remus pressed his lips against Sirius's more deeply for a moment, then slowly he pulled away.

Sirius opened his eyes to find Remus looking at him. His face made no expression but his eyes spoke sweetness to Sirius.

"Now," Remus spoke up, "do you know what it was you felt?"

"Well… do you remember what I said about love, earlier?"

"Yeah?"

"Well… I'm not sure it's so true, after all."

Remus thought about this for a moment. "Care to elaborate?"

"I think I'm in love with you?"

Remus put his hand over his mouth. It was an unconscious gesture. "Oh."

Sirius smiled. "Hey, that felt good."

Remus smiled slightly, as well.

"So what did _you_ feel?"

_Wonder if you'll understand it's just the touch of your hand_

Severus ran down the path off school grounds, not caring whether the alarms went off to let the school know that someone had left the grounds. He didn't even know where he was. He didn't care. He ran off the path, and stumbled into a ditch. He swore as he fell. A sharp pain shot through his ankle, but he barely even noticed. He hated James now more than ever, hated him for no reason at all. Of course, it wasn't James's fault that he was in love with that… disgusting, screechy creature… After all, Severus was in love with _James, _wasn't he? He rubbed at his ankle absently. He didn't want to go back to Hogwarts. Never. Severus got up, made his way back to the path, walked determinedly to the train station.

_Behind a closed door_

_All I needed was the love you gave_

"I… it felt good."

Sirius blinked at Remus. "Here I'm baring my heart to you and all you can say was that it was _good?_"

_All I needed for another day_

Remus shrugged. "Well, it _was_ good. Come on, Sirius, do you really think I would have done it in the first place if I didn't have feelings for you? Where's your head?"

Sirius looked at Remus expectantly. "And those feelings are..?"

_And all I ever knew_

"I'm in love with you, I think."

"Oh."

_Only you_

Severus didn't know where he was going. He didn't care. He boarded the first train away from Hogwarts. He paid for his ticket and threw himself into the first open compartment.

He found himself sitting across from a tall, thin young man.

"Hello," the young man spoke.

Severus tried to hide the anguish and annoyance he felt. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now, especially someone who looked so much like James Potter. The only difference between the two, aside from their difference in age, was that this man had straight hair and slightly sharper curves to his face.

Severus managed to squeeze a "hello" out of his tight throat.

The young man held out his hand. "My name is Tom Riddle."

Severus took the man's hand reluctantly. It was cold as ice. Severus held back a grimace. "Severus Snape," he replied.

"I have a feeling we're going to be great friends, Severus Snape." His voice was rich and soothing, but there was something in the tone he used that Severus didn't like.

Sirius pulled Remus in close to him, kissing him softly. His hands ran along Remus's back.

Remus shivered at the touch, the pattern of scars that traced his back creating pockets of heightened sensation. He kissed Sirius back, pulling him closer, pressing the length of his body against Sirius's. The kiss became less tender and more passionate, Remus running his hands feverishly through Sirius's hair, Sirius gripping Remus at the base of his neck. One of Remus's hands slid downward, pressing against the small of Sirius's back, pushing him closer. Sirius opened his mouth and their tongues met, groping frantically against each other. Finally they pulled back, Remus gasping for breath.

"Whoa."

Sirius inhaled sharply. "No kidding."

Remus swallowed. "Whoa."

"Wow."

Sirius moved his hands down to Remus's shoulders, pressing his face against Remus's bare chest. Remus closed his eyes and stroked Sirius's hair.

"So… what are we going to tell James and Peter?"

Sirius looked up. "I dunno. Nothing. It doesn't matter, does it?"

Remus shook his head. "No. Honestly, I'd rather keep this a secret." He smiled and drew his fingers across Sirius's cheek.

Sirius smiled back. "Yeah, me too."

_All I needed was the love you gave_

_All I needed for another day_

_And all I ever knew_

_Only you_

"So, Remus. Does this mean I can still date girls?"

Remus punched Sirius in the chest.

**End**


End file.
